Addiction is not a weakness, addiction is a disease. Watching her as I grew up with sunken in eyes, muttering to herself was something I did not ask for but I loved her anyway. Don’t let somebody else’s disease destroy you.
Do not expect them to change. Do not expect them to change. Do not put your sanity into their sobriety. Support them. Do not expect them to change because they are your mother, father, because they love you.
When they call you at 4 a.m. slurring their words sobbing, tell them you love them. Then remember to love yourself too, hang up. Go back to bed. I know it hurts.
Even if she screams at you as she collapses on the floor, know deep down somewhere she loves you. Right now she can’t walk straight let alone get her shit together. Hold her.
The person standing before you is not the person you know. It is the addict within them — this took me 15 years to understand. Addicts are dishonest, sneaky, narcissistic, and thieves. My mother is intelligent, strong willed, determined and adventurous. Learn to know the difference.
There will be ups and downs. Cherish the ups. No matter how short. Try to let the past go, so you can have time to make better memories, trust me. Anger is going to consume you. I want you to bite your tongue.
When they reach recovery and sobriety, don’t talk down to them about how they fucked up. They are well aware and they are not proud. Do not increase the self hatred they already feel.
If it gets to be too much in one night? Leave. I understand all too well.
For the love of God, do not play with fire. Don’t you dare inject toxic into your veins like they did.
As you get older it’ll make more sense than it does right now. Your nightmares will ease and you will learn to trust again.
When they get in deep, you’ll drive to their house to make sure they are still there, still conscious. You’ll call constantly desperate to hear their voice. In my opinion this is the worst form of anxiety. You’re going to make it. Breathe.
Addiction can sink so deep into you, that it has the ability to kill you. Do not be afraid to call 911 when they’re passed out, wheezing. When they’re covered in their own vomit, hyperventilating. They will be angry. But they will also be alive.
Do yourself a favor and remind those around you who also deal with her cruel words, that this isn’t their fault. She’s not herself. Be realistic. Hope is excellent until you drown yourself in it.
A personal message from the daughter of two addicts to you — it will be okay. You don’t have to be like them, you are not them. This is an infinite battle but you will heal. I did.
I think sometimes what we miss in pursuit of recovery is the vitality of healing. Becoming whole again. Gathering all the scattered pieces, and becoming a beautiful mosaic unlike anything you’ve ever seen before. It’s about finding a balance between mind, body, soul and spirit. Nourishment that is right for YOU. And no number - high or low - can ever determine this… Healing is a feeling. Listen to your inner voice; follow your precious heart; trust yourself to heal your life.
I’m a human being.
I have a mental disorder.
I am your significant other/co-worker/boss/family member. I am your car dealer/hairdresser/first responder/politician. I am anyone you see on a regular basis.
I am a human being.
I have a mental disorder.
I have to live with this.
I can’t cure this.
I can’t make it go away.
They say when you’re caught in a storm
to “destroy what destroys you”
but if I followed that advice
I’d be at the bottom of the ocean with concrete shoes
and my hands
around my own throat
I’d rather learn
The inconsistency is made worse by the things he does on his sprees. Coming to his senses, he is revolted at certain episodes he vaguely remembers. Those memories are a nightmare. He trembles to think someone might have observed him. As fast as he can, he pushes these memories far inside himself. He hopes they will never see the light of day. He is under constant fear and tension - that makes for more drinking.
"I am more a woman of action than a woman in reaction, and hope is more present in my life than insecurity … As much as I was thirsty for alcohol, today I am thirsty for knowledge."
Montreal, Quebec, July 1986
“Thirsty for Life,”
Sober and Out
You would walk through a new england blizzard to get a bag a dope. You would sell your freedom to the state for violent justice. You would steal from your loved ones just feel good again. You would risk eternal darkness just for one more taste of dope.
You are resilient, powerful, and strong.
If you would do all these things for drugs, imagine what you would do sober. Imagine what you could do for your people.
Addicts could rule the world if we applied the same fire of addiction to a positive life.
You could save the damn world with that fire.
I have a disease that doesn’t let me see myself for who I am.
~It’s Ok to get lost sometimes, it’s Ok to relapse sometimes and it is also Ok to let others who think you need help know that you are Ok. ~ If others assume that you need help, that you are not Ok, that does not mean that you are not Ok, just let them know that you are Ok. Don’t take it personally, they are just asking because they care; not because you have messed up. If you are Ok, tell them that you are Ok, if you truly are not Ok, tell them. Tell them that you will be Ok and thank them for checking on you, if you don’t want to talk about it right now, tell them that… People are not mind-readers.
I hope that one day,
When the dust settles
And we meet again
You’ll look at me and see
Your biggest regret.
The Photos Disney Characters Would Take If They Had Instagram Accounts by Simona Bonafini.